Albus Dumbledore

Albus Percival Muhammad bin-Wulfric Brian Jebediah Obadiah Ob-La-Di Ob-La-Da Obama Hussein Zachariah Wan Kenobi Jedediah Chewbacca MacZeppelin Dumbledore is, similarly to Ian McKellen, an. Both are also daughters of Merlin. He has the ability to appear in human form as two similar-looking elderly British men, and his true form as an has thus far remained hidden from the world. As well as this, he has, unfortunately, become a pseudonym for Gandalf. He is supposedly the most powerful wizard in the world. However, we all know this is Horny Punter who uses his libido to became an excellent back door burglar and BOOM! You have been spellanised!

The topic of this article has unfairly being taken advantage of by Mrs. J. K. Rowling and she has made copious quidage from his tales. However, critics argue, he takes advantage of pupils, Rowling takes advantage of him. According to the Idiotic school of thought, this is known as a vicious circle.

According to the news, Dumbledore has recently undergone a freak surgical accident with Lord Voldemort. They both Apparated at the same exact place at the same exact time, and a miraculous thing happened: both Dumbledore and Voldemort mixed together and created Dumblemort and Voldedore. Who is who, none can say, but be sure not to cross their way!

Hogwarts
Dumbledore is in charge of the Hogwarts School of Craftmanship and Pottery. He received the job because the Ministry of LGBT magic passed the disability act of 1312 preventing schools from discriminating from the mentally handicapped. Due to this new bill the law stated that a mentally retarded person must be in charge of Hogwarts. Dumbledore, being the most insane and mentally unstable person they could find was put in charge of the school. Since he has but put in charge of the school he has been known to:

1. Release crazed monsters to consume all of the students

2. Completely forgive male students for disobeying his orders and putting the entire school in danger.

3. Allow his uncle to try to destroy students.

4. Hide numerous video cameras in boys bathrooms.

5. Make the plot really complicated, giving every book an extra hundred pages of riddles and explanations that always end in some really bogus virtue crud.

6. Remove his clothes at random moments.
 * He was last spotted flying off the Astronomy Tower backwards.
 * He was later found to be relaxing in a white tomb. (His uncle Voldemort broke into the tomb a few months after this.)

Dumbledore's Army
During his time at Hogwart's, one young student, Harry Potter, formed Dumbledore's Army to help fight Voldemort. The army was formed in secrecy.

The rules of Dumbledore's Army were as follows:

1. Don't talk about Dumbledore's Army. 2. Don't talk about Dumbledore's Army. 3. Read above.

Life of Crime
There have been allegations of male child abuse regarding Harry Potter and the Seven Dwarfs. Dumbledore denied all the accusations, stating merely "Bah. Bloody humbug. I was just trying to show him a new technique with his wand,...gigidi gigidi goo!!!" (Un)Honourable Judge Ron Weasley had to agree with that logic, and Dumbledore walked out of the courtroom a free man. Fortunately, no one not imagined, and continued to make him out to be the sort who would steal your children for lewd acts. Also, in his defence, he interestingly used the phrase "Bah. Bloody humbug", the exact words that Harry Potter told the court he had said before receiving a bollocking for his "Hufflepuff" standard of fellatio.

Dumbledore should also be held responsible for his actions in murdering a multitude of people. He is currently being chased by the Dumbledore Catchers. Their exploits can be seen on Youtube.