Harry Potter and the Birdy Buddy of the Phoenix

Harry Potter and the Birdy Buddy of the Phoenix is the fifth book in the Harry Potter series.

Plot
Having proven the existence of Lord Voldemort, Lord Lucan and Hillary Clinton's ghost in the previous book, Harry becomes the victim of a smear campaign by OK! magazine, which reveals he has dubious personal dancing habits and AIDS. He is coerced into having "private lessons" with the official school mandolinist, Professor Drape and narrowly escapes from a teenage romance with Gabriella Montez through the tactful deployment of a Tesla Coil. He discovers that a group of anti-Voldemort protesters have adopted him as their official patron and sets about prosecuting them over the rights to his image. He also needs to get back at the new teacher, known as Dolores Cum-Bridge, for saying that she "hates children." Harry does eventually kill her by using the charm, "Accio Dolores's heart!" The book climaxes with a death-defying battle with Voldemort, ending with Albus Dumbledore's unexpected plot-twisting revelation: Harry, Voldemort is out to kill you Harry also learns that he was chosen, over Neville, to be the main character, wherupon he seeks out Neville and teases him endlessly. Harry also seemed to left caps lock on for the majority of what he says, that, or he has anger-management problems.

Oh, and Seriously Black dies by falling through a shower curtain that's apparently the most secret thing in the Department of Secrets in the wizarding world (which is explained in book 10).